dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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