You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize