I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
