yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
pop tarts are not kleenex
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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