yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Randomize