Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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