I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
