so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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