Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she told me i tasted like america
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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