Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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