My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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