Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
