I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
