im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
