just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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