i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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