If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
