Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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