All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize