I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
