I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
