Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
