i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize