i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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