my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
