i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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