Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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