marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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