His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
