I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
