woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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