Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize