Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
