I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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