Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
