im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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