why im i the only drunk person in the library?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
