I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
