literally had 100 drinks last night.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
