Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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