so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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