You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
