i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
