i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
