were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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