Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
