I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I have post one night stand depression
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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