i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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