he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
im six kinds of drunk right now
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
