grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
