i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
