i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
