your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
