i just had sex bonerless
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
