Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize