I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize