I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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