He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize