Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
