I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
