he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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