wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
