Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
