I want to walk on stilts...naked
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
