these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
