i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
