He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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