I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize