She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Randomize
