i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
