her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
