they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm like, not good at living.
How naked do you want me to be?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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