So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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