So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
