bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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