Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
they're like a gay fantastic four
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize