I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
