dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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