I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
