Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
