"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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