My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
