so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
