I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
