Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
