I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
