The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
