Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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