I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
