is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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