Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
