he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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