Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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