Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
