I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
