i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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