kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
