if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
