It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
