You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
