Acid is not a monday night drug
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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