don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
