I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
