peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize