On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
