Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize