dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
