got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
